Remove Oil Stains

Are you a klutz like I am who routinely has oil stains on her tops? Honestly, I don't know how it happens. Not a week goes by that I don't have an oil stain on a top. Mostly, salad is the culprit: I spear an oily leaf an no sooner is it halfway between the plate and my mouth does the leaf unfurl and fling dressing at my top. I've taken to eating salad with a chef's apron on; at work, I have a bib made of plastic bubble wrap that I lifted from the recycling bin (and I should specificy for maximum impact that I mostly eat at my cubicle--can you imagine how stupid I look?). And still, I am plagued with oil stains.

Well, lucky for me and you, I have a tip that works I'd say 90% of the time. I can't say what goes wrong 10% of the time, I suspect it has to do with fabric. In any case, here's the trick: Immediately (or as soon as possible without causing a scandal), remove the soiled item (most likely a top, probably new)and lay it on a flat surface. Then, take a tablespoon of cornstarch and pour directly over the stain so it is completely covered. Let stand over-night. The next day, scrape off the powder and voilà! The stain should be gone.

Waste Less Wine

I love a glass of wine with dinner. But really, all I want is one glass. If I have two on a week night I get really sleepy and then I'm no fun at all. I'm not even drunk, just tired. And often my partner prefers beer or nothing at all. I can't tell you how many half-drunk bottles of wine we've poured down the sink.

What to do? This summer, I ventured out into buying half-bottles of wine. I'd read in a newspaper article that the offerings were interesting, and sure enough, they are. I can polish off a half-bottle before it turns. This week, we've even tried those mini-bottles, like the ones you get on planes. While this particular wine wasn't anything to write home about, it was the perfect for flaking out on the couch alone watching t.v. on a Friday night.

We've even found mini-bottles of beer. So I can have my wine, my sweetie can enjoy a small beer and we both have enough energy for our kids after dinner. Perfect!

Lame Workout Beats No Work Out + Random Advice

Do you ever put off exercising because you don't have the time you need for your ideal workout? Yah, me too. No more though. I learned to comprise. I figure a lame workout is better than none at all. I'm still running in the morning, and even when I've over slept, I squeeze it in. The after effect is almost as good as getting in a decent workout. Plus, it means I don't lose my flow long enough to break what is now a habit. In the case of exercise, it's definitely a good idea to settle for what you can get.

The same goes for real estate. If you are ready to get into the market, do it now. No reason to wait until you can afford your dream house, or even worst, until you find someone to share it with. You can always trade up when you have more cash or sell once you've met someone you want to live with.

Sadly, this whole compromise business doesn't work for relationships, in my opinion. A lame relationship does not beat no relationship. The only thing a lame relationship beats is your odds of being happy.

How do you define a lame relationship? If you're in one, you'll know.

Bite Off What You Can Chew: It Beats Choking

Recently, I read an article about survey results on the home-buying habits of Quebecers published in the TD Canada Trust Home Buyers Report. Among other fascinating tidbits, the survey found that Quebecers were less concerned than people in other parts of Canada about being able to afford their mortgage payments if interest rates rise, and are also more likely to fork over a downpayment of less than 20% than their national counterparts.

“It’s only natural to want your first home to be the home of your dreams, but it is important to be realistic about what you can afford as a down payment and what that will mean for both the type of home you buy and for your mortgage payments over time,” says Christine Marchildon, Senior Vice President, QuebecRegion, TD Canada Trust.

“I advise first time home owners to consider a larger down payment because a 10% or greater down payment will make a big difference... Speak with a representative at your bank about setting up an automatic savings plan to help you save,” she continues.

I found her last statements so hysterically funny I almost choked on my toast. No offense to Christine Marchildon, but I wondered if she's ever applied for a mortgage at her own bank. You see, I have. I was quickly pre-approved for a nice little mortage. In fact it was so nice, it was actually more than I could realistically afford. My initial reaction, when presented with the sum, was "Wow, I can afford that?" "Of course you can!" laughed the young "representative" at our bank,"you gave me all your info, I added up what you make and what you spend and owe, and tah-dah!! This is what you can afford. Trust me. Now sign. Please. " (More or less-I'm taking artistic liberties).

Well, we did the math back and forth and ultimately set our sights homes that cost about $40,000 less than what we were pre-approved for. We thought, what if one of us loses her job? What if interest rates sky rocket? Do we want to be eating Ramen noodles for the next five years? We HATE Ramen noodles. Ultimately, our decision was based more on fear than on financial savvy, but we have never regretted it.

In hindsight, and knowing what we know now, we would have been backed up against a wall and very financially strained had we bought the home we were told we could afford. We might have had a prettier, more spacious home. But we would have had to make some very different decisions about our lives to be able to afford that home.

Which brings me back to the first thing Christine Marchildon said, the part about it being natural to want your first home to be your dream home. Really? Common yes, but natural, I'm not so sure. Whatever happened to the concept of starting out small, building equity and moving up into your dream home? Don't get me wrong: I had a dream home all picked out when I was 7 (Tudor-style mansion with a French Chateau décor--my mom liked Architectural Digest) but it never occurred to me that this should be the first home I own. And there are lots of days I curse this shoebox all four of us are crammed into. But lucky for us, there has never been a day when we had to eat Ramen noodles because we were house broke.

It's especially tempting to believe your first home can be your dream home when your banking representatives tells you can afford it. You want to believe that you can afford it. But before you buy that house, do the math very carefully. Forget that list of what you make, owe and spend that the bank works from: add up all your receipts for a month and take a look at how you really spend your money. Imagine all the worst case scenerios: you lose your job; you break up; interest rates soar. Imagine what it might feel like to not be able to eat out, get your hair cut, buy a new outfit, keep your kids home, buy Christmas presents, take a vacation, all because most of your money is going toward your mortgage. This won't be fun. You may have to readjust your vision of what your first home might look like. But a dream home can quickly become a nightmare if you can't pay for it.

Better to be happy in an imperfect and affordable little shoebox.

Hot Flashes? Fight Back

Hormones and women are a controversial topic. There are plenty of opinions, lots of contradictory research findings, and as many treatment approaches as there are doctors, it seems.

It's very confusing. We're told by some that hormone replacement therapy is dangerous and that certain treatments put us at increased risk for breast cancer. But then we are also told that not replacing hormones puts us at increased risk for other cancers. And then there are all those lovely life-altering symptoms that come hand-in-hand with the approach and onset of menopause: fatigue, depression, loss of sex drive, insomnia, weight gain, hot flashes. Fun times, fun times.

The confusion unfortunately leads a lot of women to playing ostrich: when what we think of as symptoms of menopause begin to affect us, we suck it up and just ride it out. Or, we see a doctor who puts us on a hormone replacement treatment that may or may not actually work for us, or are simply treated for some of the symptoms (anti-depressants and sleep aids, for example). It is disempowering at best.

Ultimately, only you can decide how you want to handle the inevitable shift in your body from being reproductive to not. A few months ago, I started getting frequent headaches. Having suffered from migraines in the past, this freaked me out a bit because I was afraid I was going down that road. Then I started getting hotflashes. Really intense! Head to toe instaneous and inexplicable waves of heat. I knew immediately what was happening--something hormonal was out of whack. Well, I wasn't about to just accept that. I've far too much going on to be slowed down by headaches and hotflashes. So I set out to solve the problem. Here's what I did:

1) I made an appointment at an accupuncture clinic.
2) I got some books out of the library (see Read up! below).
3) I made an appointment with my naturopath.

4 accupuncture sessions is all it took to nix the hotflashes and headaches. My naturopath then put me on a supplement regimen which, to grossly oversimplify what she said, is meant to encourage my body to produce it's own healthy level of hormones. No hormone replacement. I'm good.

Everyone is different of course, and I don't mean to reduce everyone's hormone issues to my simple solution. But I do mean to tell you that you don't have to live with discomfort. There are lots of options. Don't take it lying down, and don't play ostrich, whatever you do. The price you'll pay is your quality of life. It's just not worth it.

A few more tips:

-Read up! There are lots of great books about the subject. I recently read Suzanne Somer's book Ageless. Once I got over the whole Chrissy thing, I found it really informative, although at this point I don't believe her approach is right for me. Also, The Perimenopause and Menopause Workbook by Kathryn R. Simpson; it explains all the various hormones and their functions, and what symptoms can be linked to which hormonal imbalance.

-Pay attention to perimenopause! This critical stage precedes menopause and can begin in your 30's. You'd be amazed how many inexplicable health issues, from weight gain to infertility, are rooted in the hormonal shift that occurs during perimenopause.

-Branch out into other forms of healing. Accupuncture is annoying but in my experience quite effective. A colleague also recently told me that reflexology cured her of hotflashes. A reliable naturopath and osteopath are also invaluable resources.

Banish These Words: Sleep Through The Night

If you have a baby or are about to have one, you may think you are being proactive by reading all sorts of books about babies. Most books about babies and their development will tell you that at some point or another, your baby should be able to sleep through the night. But I will let you in on a little secret. Lots of babies don't do that. Oh, you'll hear tales of those who do, mark my word. You'll know the parents of these babies by their healthy complexions, clean hair, clothes and houses. They may feel smug and superior and be convinced their baby sleeps through the night because they have taught their baby "healthy sleep habits." At best they will simply believe their baby behaves like the books say. You will come to hate these parents because chances are, you won't be one of them.

For your sanity, and to spare you the despair my partner and I have faced over not one but two babies that never sleep/slept through the night I'd like to share are a few of my insights about babies and sleep.

1. There is no age at which babies should sleep through the night. They're all different and they have a lot going on.

2. Bottle-fed babies don't always sleep better than nursed babies. Sometimes they do because formula is harder to digest and therefore tires them out more. But, weaning an infant is no guarantee that she will sleep better.

3. You will hear about letting babies "cry it out." This is also no magic bullet. I've known some babies who responded quite well to that approach, and others for whom it was a complete disaster (hysterical crying for over an hour with or without results; having to do it all over again after a disruption in the schedule, such as illness or a vacation). Before you consider this approach (the most common one is the Ferber technique), do read up on it and be fully informed as to what it entails. I urge to read about the topic on websites like mothering.com; askdr.sears.com; kellymom.com. Ultimately, be realistic about any "technique" you use and be prepared to look for another solution if that doesn't work.

4.Do some research on babies and sleep. It's possible your baby has a problem at night (food intolerance, for instance). Or there may be homeopathic treatments available to calm your baby down at night, or even a supplement (like magnesium) that could help.

5. Babies and young children seem to sleep much better when they are cooler. Don't overdress your baby at night or go crazy on the blankets.

6. A sound machine is a great way to block out household noise for light sleepers.

7. Such a cliché but something I regret: Nap when your baby naps during the day. As tempting as it is to have a few precious moments to yourself, you can handle any challenge your baby throws at you better if you're getting as much sleep as you can.

Sweet dreams.

Try My Stock

A few weeks back I promised I would post the recipe for chicken stock made from stockpiles of frozen chicken carcasses I accumulate from making roast chicken.

Some of you might ask why one would bother making stock from scratch, when it can be easily purchased in cans, tetra packs, concentrated in small bottles, powdered and in gummy little cubes. Truth be told, I keep stock in all of its various incarnations because it come in really handy. I swear, 8 out of 9 recipes call for stock. But I always prefer my homemade one for these reasons:

•It is devoid of creepy additives like MSG and HVP (hydrolyzed vegetable protein for which in Canada there is a currently salmonella advisory. Fun!).
•The taste, when done right, is superior to store-bought.
•I know what kind of or grade of chicken I used.
•From an ecological perspective, it just makes sense to me to try to make as many meals as possible and find as many uses as possible for something that a) died so I could eat it b) probably didn’t have a great life c) required an insane amount of the earth’s resources to be created, brought to maturity, slaughtered, packaged, transported, merchandised, advertised and then stored in my fridge and later cooked.
•It fills your house with aromas that to most people* conjure up feelings of happiness, nurturing, and well-being. My grandmother’s house smelled like that and you just can’t beat that.

*For some people, like those who are or were at some point vegetarian, these aromas conjure up images of slaughtered, mistreated animals being boiled in a vat of onions. If you live with this kind of person, make stock when they are not home or when you can open the windows.

So here is the recipe. You may now free your carcasses from the depth of your freezer. It is not a standard recipe and I have not tested it because it comes from my head and it changes every time. So if you make it and don’t like it, I apologize. If it is too diluted, try it again and reduce the amount of water.

Stock Recipe (Makes about 4 to 6 cups of stock)
2 or 3 chicken carcasses** with some meat left on the bone.
Cold water (2 cups per carcass)
1 large onion
3 large carrots (peeled or scrubbed clean)
3 celery branches
3 cloves of garlic
Salt
Pepper

•Place the chicken carcasses in a large pot
•Cover with 2 cups cold water per carcass. There should be enough water to barely cover the carcasses; put burner on medium high
•Cut all the vegetables into large chunks and throw into the water.
•Remove skins from garlic cloves and then gently squish the cloves with the side of your knife; pitch the garlic into the water.
•Add 2 teaspoons salt, pinch of pepper (you can add salt throughout the process too if you don’t think it’s enough).
•When the water is boiling, reduce to simmer and cover the pot.
•Simmer for 2 hours.

You’ll know your stock is done when the colour is nice and gold and it tastes chicken-y. One it’s done, remove from heat and strain as follows:
•Place a strainer over a large enough food storage container, pot or bowl to hold all the stock you made.
•Using tongs, retrieve all the bones, meat bits and vegetables from the pot and place in strainer. Dump contents of strainer into the garbage when full (this is the last stop for this chicken, I’m afraid). Pour rest of stock through the strainer.
•Use immediately, or cool at room temperature if storing for later use.


Fancypants 1: I once read a recipe for stock from Matha Stewart that used actual 2 whole chickens instead. I guess you could do that, but then you are using up more of the world’s chicken and resources and not putting into effect my whole stretch it out theory, but hey, I bet it’s really tasty.

Fancypants 2: You can also get creative with your vegetables and use odd and ends up: zucchini, green beans, red peppers, asparagus stalks, squash, potatoes, broccoli. In fact, I keep a freezer bag full of vegetable scraps that I can just toss into my stock.

Hot Stock Tips (haha! Get it? Hot stock tips, as in stocks sold in the stock market?)
•My mom used to make a big deal out of the fact that my grandmother didn’t skim the fat off her stock. So what? It tastes better that way. But if you are concerned about your fat intake, then wait until the stock is completely cool, refrigerate it for several hours and then skim the fat of the top.
•I freeze stock in 2-cup portions in little freezer bags that zip close.

Blogging? Check the Time Zone

OK--last night I realized that when I started this blog, I didn`'t specify what time zone I was in. To my horror, I think I was in GMT -8 or something, and it therefore looks like I've been posting to this blog during business hours or in the middle of the night. Not the case. Anyway, I fixed it and now you'll see that it is 9:35 on Saturday night.

Master the Art of Dealing With a Few Extra Pounds

It’s uncanny how a few extra pounds can drastically alter your mood and your perception of yourself and your life. No matter what weight you were before, a few extra pounds can make you feel a gamut of annoying things, like unattractive, sad, unorganized, or like an all-around loser.

Well, you aren’t any of those things (or if you truly feel that you are, chances are you were before you gained a few pounds. No offense—extra weight sometimes exacerbates an existing crisis of confidence). You are just a few pounds heavier. No harm done. You can either live with and celebrate the extra pounds, or lose them. Here’s some advice on how to do both gracefully.

ACCEPT THE EXTRA POUNDS
Who says that just because you gained a bit of weight you have to lose it? You can in fact just keep it. Make peace with it. Or deal with it later. Remember that you are a free agent in the matter. You can make a choice to not worry about it. If you do, take my advice.

Go up a size or two—We usually look and feel bad with extra weight because our clothes don’t fit right. Nobody can feel good with muffin top going on, it’s impossible. If you choose to live with the extra pounds, invest in some clothes that fit better. You can look fabulous at any size in clothes that fit right. A couple of pairs of pants and a new shirt or two will make a big difference to how you look and feel.

Discover shapewear—A little shapewear also goes a long way. It helps hold you in a little and creates a nice, smooth surface for your clothes to hang beautifully on. You’ll look curvy in all the right places, and feel really put together. In fact, before you go out and buy new clothes, buy some shapewear: the clothes you thought didn’t fit you anymore might look just fine. And it’s not your granny’s girdle anymore. Shapewear comes in lots of great colours and patterns, is light and super comfortable. Many trendy clothing chains carry their own brands, and you can always find it in lingerie stores. There’s shapewear for virtually every curvy spot on your body, from tummies to thighs.

Accessorize—Things like chunky necklaces, bold earrings, rings, bracelets and structured handbags all add pizzazz an outfit and put the focus on your lovely face or hands, taking it away from spots you feel sensitive about.

CHOOSE TO LOOSE
If you’d like to lose the extra pounds, take my advice and you’ll see results quickly. But first, get into the right frame of mind:

Rule #1: To lose a few pounds, you need to change what you eat or increase your physical activity, or ideally both. It’s that simple. Change the food; move more.

Rule #2: If you gained a few pounds (barring some health problem) you may have added something (or several things) to your diet that caused you to gain weight. So don’t think of this as going on a “diet.” You’re just going back to how things used to be, in a sense. And you were just fine then, weren’t you?

Rule #3: Changing what you eat is like slashing a budget. It means changing some comfortable habits. This may suck at first, but eventually, new habits replace old and feel just fine.

OK. Now try this.

Cut out or reduce:
•Carbohydrates—remove or greatly reduce them from lunch, dinner and snacks. Make lunch and dinner protein/vegetable combos (meat, poultry or fish with a side of vegetables or salad; salad with tuna, and cheese, lentil soup, for example). Snacks can be nuts, yogurt, cheese, vegetables with hummus, fruit.
•Beverages—you should never have these. They serve no purpose. Drink water. Juices, sodas, “vitamin water;” ice tea…just forget about them, you don’t need them. Not even unsweetened orange juice for breakfast. It does nothing for you. It’s pure sugar as far as your body is concerned. Milk? Forget about it. You can get calcium from cheese, yogurt, broccoli, almonds and supplements if need be. Don’t OD on diet or sugar-free drinks in exchange because they are full of chemicals and also they mess with your body’s natural ability to feel “full.” Use these as once in a while treats though.
•Cheese—Limit your intake of this delicious, salty fat. That said, a sprinkle of parmesan, a handful of shredded low-fat mozzarella or some feta can really make a salad go from ho-hum to yummy.
•Alcohol—sometimes out of the blue I start having a glass of wine with dinner with some regularity. No big deal but when I’m looking to shave a few pounds, I lose the wine. It’s just empty calories, after all.

Eat:
•Protein and vegetables—Your protein can be a legume, eggs, poultry, any red meat, fish, or tofu. For lunch, make a quick green salad and put a protein mixed in. At dinner, steam some veggies and serve a protein on top or on the side.
•Flavour. You can use herbs, flavoured oils, garlic, flavoured sea salts, spices on most proteins or in salad dressings to ramp up the flavour volume.
•Breakfast: Splurge and have carbs with breakfast (bread, oatmeal, cereal). But make sure there is protein in your breakfast (egg, or peanut butter; milk alone, be it cow or soy, are not enough). This will stabilize your hunger and you will not want to pig out mid-morning.
•Fruit! When your stomach is empty (generally, 1.5 hours after you’ve eaten something), that is the perfect time to have fruit. It’s a great pre-lunch and bedtime snack. Fruit is detoxifying and takes only 30 minutes to digest, so it requires little energy from your body. Avoid eating fruit with anything else or on a full stomach. This slows digestion down and will make you feel bloated (which is exactly what we are trying to avoid).
•Treats. I kid you not. Eat a treat for god’s sake at least once a day so you don’t feel deprived. Lots of snacks are available in 100-calorie packs (cookies, chocolate bars, popcorn, even soft drinks come in those little cans). 100 calories won’t make or break you. Nor will the odd chocolate bar, doughnut, or bread with dinner. Just think of these things as occasional treats (note the key word in this sentence is “odd,” as in once a week).

Check the Calories
•Read the nutrition panel—Often, when I’m debating whether or not to eat something, I check the nutritional information on the package: the calorie count, the percentage of fat, sugars and protein. This information is often surprising: some “health food store” cookies and muffins, for example, have an exceptionally high fat content and calorie count, while some dark chocolate bars (Lindt, for example) come in at less than 200 calories. Knowing exactly what I’m about to eat often changes my mind, or my choice.
•Google it—Wondering whether you should help yourself to bagel and cream cheese at an office breakfast, or add a bit of bacon to your salad, or whether you can “afford” a slice of pizza for lunch? Google it. I Googled “how many calories in a slice of bacon” just yesterday and was shocked to read the answer (286--Today, I actually changed my lunch plans thanks to that little nugget of info).

Last piece of advice: Read the part about keeping the weight. If your efforts to lose the extra pounds are making you miserable, consider simply accepting it gracefully. Nothing should make you miserable. You can always lose it later or try a more established regimen than my little made up one.

Master the Art of Roasting a Chicken

Roasting a chicken is the ultimate culinary experience for me for several reasons:
1) It is a fear I conquered.
2) It makes me feel like I'm someone who's organized and got it together.
3) When done right, the result is delicious.
4) Then I have left overs and I yet again feel like someone who's organized and got it togeter.
4) Once the chicken is gone, I save the carcass and eventually make a stock and the whole house smells like my grandmother's kitchen.
5) I make soup with the stock and then guess what? I really feel like someone who's organized and got it together.

It's ridiculous, I know. But if you've never done it before, it'll do wonders for your self-esteem. This is my own recipe, derived from experience, a Jamie's Kitchen episode and a Tyler's Ultimate episode (on turkey, actually) I saw on the Food Network while I was pregnant and entertaining fantasies of feeding my family homecooked meals every day.

You'll need:
A small chicken* (l.65 kg is good)
4 tablespoons grapeseed oil or soft butter
1 tablespoon of sea salt
2 tablespoons of dried, rubbed sage
1 lemon, washed and cut in half

Gear
1 ceramic roasting pan
A meat thermometer is a great thing; if you don't have one, no worries, I'll tell you how to tell it's done.

*I like organic chicken best, but it's very expensive. Lately we've been using the the President's Choice Free From chicken and really like it. It's not organic but free from a lot of the bad things like hormones and antibiotics. And cheap. Also, there are no "giblets" inside which is good for chicken novices.

If you have the time, let the chicken sit at room temperature for about 30 minutes before you cook it.

If there are giblets in your chicken, remember you have to remove them. Just throw them out. We are not Julia Child. Remove string if there is one. Make sure to wash your hands.

1) Pre-heat oven at 350.
2) Mix the oil (or butter) with the sea salt and sage in a small mixing bowl.
3) Place the chicken in a roasting pan (ceramic is best). There should be plenty of room around the chicken, but it's ok if the dish is shallow.
5) Spread the oil or butter / sage mixture with you (clean) hands all-over the chicken, like a massage. Mixture should cover most of the chicken.
6) Place the lemon halves inside the cavity.
7) Cover chicken with tin foil. Place in oven for 1 hour 10 minutes (for 1.60 kg bird). Remove foil and save; roast chicken for another 30 minutes.
8) Check if done by inserting a meat thermometer** into one of the thighs, making sure you don't hit any bone. Temperature should be between 180 and 200 degrees.
9) When done, remove from stove and cover with saved foil for about 15 minutes before serving.

**No meat thermometer: with tongs or a fork shake one of the thighs (like shaking hands). The thigh should come off easily under the skin.

Fancypants: If you want to go the extra mile, make extra oil or butter / sage mixture and insert it underneath the skin as well. You can loosen the skin and make pockets between skin and meat by inserting a knife under the skin at the base of the bird. I believe in Tyler's turkey recipe, they stuck bacon in there; I've never tried that.

Stock? Save the carcass when there's still a little meat left. Put it in a large plastic freezer bag and freeze. When you have 2 carcasses, you can make a small batch of stock. Recipe to come later.

Throw Out Old Underwear

Just do it. Then find a style that works for you and buy a dozen pair.


Why should you take my advice? Is there anything worst than spending the day trying find subtle ways to retrieve underwear from places it shouldn't be? No, there isn't and I know because I spent the day doing just that. But no more. Those culprits are in the trash.

Busy Parents: Consider Running

Short on time and exercise? Consider running. All it takes is 40 minutes and a pair of sneakers. It's free, fast and all those endorphins make you feel good.

It's not a perfect workout: it's all cardio. But it is better than nothing.

If this appeals to you and you've never given much thought to running before, consider a running class. You'll learn about proper techniques and hopefully avoid injury, and how to pace yourself to maximize your workout. Once you've learned the basics, you can pretty much set your own agenda; or you can move on to an advanced class and train for a half marathon, if your a goal-oriented person.

Why should you take my advice? After taking a handful of classes, I rediscovered running and I'm having a great time with it. I run sporadically and the only goal I have is to run as often as I can.

I've rarely met a parent who found the time to exercise adequately, yet it's a great way to increase energy, release stress, improve sleep--all of which most parents can use.

Lose the Fantasy

Being happy has a lot to do with what we expect from life and whether or not our expections are met in the life we've chosen. While there's nothing wrong with having expectations, I think a lot of us fall into the trap of feeling unhappy when we've had unrealistic expectations that can't possibly be met. We develop fantasies and are disappointed when our real lives fall short of them.

Take marriage and family life, for example. Both have been idealized in popular culture forever. We're presented with images of romantic marriage proposals, perfect, happy families in which the parents are always well groomed, the houses are tidy, meals are home-cooked and always ready on time and the children always well-behaved. No one is to blame for this, for these images are usually used to sell something, from box office tickets to detergent. Who would want to buy anything from a bedraggled parent with bedhead trying to wrangle two dirty kids into ratty snowsuits and out of the disaster zone that is their mortgaged-to-the-hilt home? Nobody in their right mind, that's who. And I bet most of us wouldn't include that particular scene in our fantasies either.

And yet, in that scene, there can be so much beauty: The parent has bedhead because she decided to make pancakes for breakfast and skip a shower; the kids look dirty because the frozen blueberries got on their hands while they were helping make the pancakes and those really stain; the house is a disaster because they played a great game of hide-and-seek the night before; the snowsuits are ratty because the parent is concerned for the environment and dresses her kids in hand-me-downs. OK, so maybe the kids are having a fight right now, or the parent is having a moment where she regrets not having showered or even having had kids, but that comes with the territory because it is not a fantasy, it is life.

Fantasies are fun. They can allow us to grow and acheive dreams and all that business. But they glean over most of the stuff real life is made of, because we're not encouraged to see the beauty in that stuff (which is why that stuff isn't used to sell...stuff).

If you find your life is falling short of your fantasies, stop and think about whether the problem is the fantasy or your life. If it's your life, then maybe think of ways to make it more like your fantasy in small ways. If it's your fantasy, then either lose it, or accept it for what it is: a lovely dream.

Why should you take my advice? I'm a pretty happy person and I often think part of the reason for that is that I had low expectations when I was young. A former colleague made me reaize that. She'd been one of these perfect kids who excelled at everything. She told me once that she'd been told for so many years growing up that she would be a future leader, that the world was her oyster, she could achieve anything yada yada yada. And while she was doing just fine in her life, she found that "just fine" wasn't what she'd been lead to expect, and she often felt like she'd somehow failed to attain the heights she'd been promised. Never having been promised I would achieve great things (not a complaint, btw, but I was more of a fly under the radar type of kid), I usually feel pretty pleased with the things I do achieve. I like that.

Yes, There Actually Are Stupid Questions (part 1)

In this age of Google, there is no excuse for asking a lesbian exactly how her biological children came into existence. Or a gay man. Can you imagine asking a heterosexual person the same question? “How did you conceive your kids? Were you in the missionary position?”

While there is nothing wrong with wondering about such topics if they are new to you, and while I personally have happily answered such questions repeatedly, I have to say such questions often leave me flustered due to their deeply personal nature. They usually come out of left field from someone I barely know. And I can’t help thinking, “Really? You live in this time and place and can’t even put forth a hypothesis or two as to how this could have happened?”

Before you ask any question that might be deeply personal, it’s a good idea to do a little research. 5 minutes on the Internet is all you really need to answer most of life’s questions. If you still want to ask the question, at least let it be known that you’ve looked into it yourself. This might be appreciated.

As for how children enter the lives of gays and lesbians, all it takes is a meeting between one sperm and one egg. How these entities are obtained, where and how the meeting occurred, when and how the children that spring from this meeting find their way into a same sex family can vary wildly.

Why should you take my advice? We can all benefit from coming across as a little smarter and more sensitive than we actually are.

Learn About Personal Finances

It's easy to be intimidated by money stuff. Or bored. Not all of us are cut out for Bay Street. But we do all have to deal with money, like it or not, and the more you know about how to manage yours, the better. At the very least you'll be able to cross out "finances" off your list of things that freak you out.

There are lots of easily accessible books and websites that demystify the world of personal finances. There are also scads of people willing to help you out for free. Organizing your finances better can be as easy as jotting down some goals on paper and having an appointment with a financial adviser at your bank. Paying off a student loan, buying your first home, saving for a trip, being able to live within your means are all goals that might be more within your reach than you believe. This is especially true if you feel you don't have any extra money to play with. You might not need any extra--but you might just need to manage what little you do have a bit better.

Why should you take my advice? Years ago when I was young, broke and single, an adviser at my bank set me up with automatic contributions to the RSP that eventually bought the place we now own. My initial contribution to that RSP was $12 a week. $12! It was all I had, but it was something. We've also saved a lot of money via refinancing and consolidating loans and the help of a savvy advisor (whose services, I might add, are free to us).

Move On From Unrequited Love

Don’t get stuck in a rut if you like someone who doesn’t like you the way you like them. No amount of rationalizing or excuses will change that fact, nor will losing ten pounds or getting a haircut or buying a new outfit or changing yourself into what you think that person might want.

It is human nature to want what we can’t have (Garden of Eden ring a bell?). So don't beat yourself up for wanting someone who doesn’t want you. It's not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you.

Your best shot at happiness? Move on. Tell yourself it’s just not meant to be. Focus on something or someone else. Then two things can happen:
1) Your feelings will eventually change, leaving room for you to channel that energy into more worthwhile causes (dating, an actually fulfilling relationship, work, your family, laundry, a hobby, saving the planet, ending world hunger...).
2) Your ex-crush will realize you’ve moved on and see you in a new light: aloof, independent, cool, confident. And having made yourself unavailable, you will move from being a can have to a can’t have, and possibly become oddly desirable.

Why should you take my advice? You can’t lose. Moving on is actually the only course of action in this situation that can lead to happiness.

Don't Go Through Winter Without This

Oil of Oregano. It's an essential oil. It has so many uses I wouldn't know where to start, but mostly it is an excellent anti-viral. You can buy it in pharmacies and health food stores and the pamphlet will tell you everything it does.

Why should you take my advice? I've been using since September to ward off colds and also accidently discovered that it literally wipes out my garlic breath. What more can I say?

Leggings Are Not Pants

They just aren't. They must be worn with a top that at the very least covers your ass.

Why should you take my advice? Just trust me on this one.

Consider Natural Childbirth

At least consider it. A vaginal birth without an epidural is healthy and desirable for both the baby and the mother.

Doctors don't always support the idea of natural childbirth. It is up to you to seek out alternative opinions by reading books, consulting web sites and speaking to birth professionals like midwives and doulas or with a doctor who supports natural childbirth. Remember that birth is a natural process that your body is meant to be able to undergo without much assistance, and then make your decision about the kind of birth you want from this understanding.

If you decide to have natural childbirth, work with a midwife or a doula. This will not undermine the role of your life partner if you have one.

If natural childbirth isn't advisable for some reason, it's still worthwhile to inform yourself about possible different approaches to your birth. A doula can be a wonderful source of support during pregnancy and birth even if you undergo a c-section or need to have another kind of intervention during your birth, for example.

Why should you take my advice? Both my partner and I had fully natural births and we did a lot of research to prepare for our births. We worked with doulas, midwives, and doctors. We considered birthing centers, a home birth, and ultimately both gave birth naturally in hospitals despite some small potential and actual complications (fibroids in one case, low-lying placenta in the other). And yes, it is painful. Very, very painful. But you get through it, and you get over it, especially if you have an experienced professional with you to reassure you the pain is normal, and that everything is OK. My partner, I must add, gave birth naturally with pitocin. It is possible.

A great resource to start with: www.mothering.com

Don’t underestimate the power of blood sugar

You’d be amazed how many problems in life can be blamed on blood sugar fluctuations. Blood sugar dips and spikes can feel really bad to little kids, and are often the root of temper tantrums, as little kids can’t identify why they feel bad. To a teenager or adult, blood sugar fluctuations can lead to headaches, migraines, inability to focus, rapid pulse, crankiness. For women, hormone fluctuations can affect blood sugar, which is why a lot of us get migraines and headaches around our periods.

Carbohydrates, especially refined, can cause blood sugar fluctuations when you eat more than your body needs. Protein has the least effect on blood sugar levels. The best way to keep blood sugar stable is to eat regular meals and snacks throughout the day; those meals and snack should be more protein-based than carb-based. This is especially true of breakfast, the first meal after a long fast, and for little kids in that witching hour just before dinner. A little protein can go a long way.

Why should you take my advice? After a lifetime of enduring headaches and migraines(yes, a lifetime—I had them as a child), a naturopath set me straight and taught me how to eat better. I’m happy to report I have been migraine-free for a decade. I try to eat protein at every meal, or for snacks if that's not possible.

If you find you or your kids are struggling with headaches or migraines and you are having trouble identifying the cause, I urge you to cut out sugar, reduce carbs, increase your protein intake, and eat regularly. Never skip meals.

This advice is purely based on my own experience. I have no medical expertise. A simple Google search will turn up lots of information about blood sugar and its effect on health.

What To Eat?
It’s hard to get out of habits and ruts with food, especially with kids. Here are a few ideas for adding protein to meals, for kids and grown-ups.

Eggs—I always keep hard-boiled eggs in the fridge for easy snacks and meals. For myself, I add them to salads and sandwiches. Eggs can be a hard sell for kids. Our older son hates yolks but likes hard-boiled egg whites for breakfast, scrambled eggs and omelettes. He is also fond of French toast, which I make by soaking a piece of whole-grain bread in a mixture of egg, soy milk, vanilla and cinnamon, then toasting in a non-stick skillet. Egg salad (I mash up hard-boiled eggs with mayonnaise and a bit of sweet relish) makes great sandwiches. If your kids really hate eggs, slip some uncooked egg white into hot oatmeal and mixed it up until the egg is cooked. Never consume raw egg whites (salmonella).

Spreads and dips—Tofu spreads, hummus, black bean, egg salad are great spread on toast, crackers, and for dipping veggies. For a sweet spread, a bit of soy or dairy yogurt mixed with a bit of peanut butter is great for dipping apple and pear slices.

Protein powder—No, not the macho kind athletes use. We use one that we get at the health food store which is just rice protein. It’s recommended for kids with soy and milk allergies. We add it to soy and rice milk to drink, to hot and cold cereal and apple sauce when a little protein boost is needed.

Nuts—I carry little bags of almonds around and snack on them when I’m on the go.

Learn to be a better listener

One of the reasons I wanted to start this blog is that I continuously strive to be a better listener. This is no easy feat for me, as I am opinionated, like the sound of my own voice, and like to share things I've learned with others. These are not bad qualities, per se, but I noticed in my thirties that they in fact contributed to my being a poor listener. In my haste to share my experience and impart my wisdom, I often found myself cutting people off and being more focused on mining my memory for suitable material to contribute to the conversation than the actual conversation. When I played back these conversations in my mind, I realized what that must have sounded like to the other person, and how that must have felt. I can't tell you why this realization came to me at that point and why I chose to do something about it. Maybe a comment from a friend, or perhaps I'd gone through enough therapy to gain some insight. I don't remember. I think I did become a better listener. I could still improve. Sometimes I slip, and I start rattling off advice. And it is good advice, mostly. But how appealing is that? People have conversations for all sorts of reasons, and I don't think most of us enter conversations in hope of having unsolicited advice foisted upon us. That's why I'm creating this blog. All that wasted advice will find its way here. And I will continue to grow as a listener, friend, spouse and parent. And you will get some good advice.

Welcome!

Welcome to Unsolicited Advice.

This blog is a platform for me to share random bits of advice with perfect strangers. It is also the product of a New Year's resolution, so we'll see how long it lasts. Thanks for stopping by.